I started teaching my son about consent when he was very young.
In this video, he’s about four years old, sitting on my lap while we have a serious but age-appropriate conversation about what “stop” and “no” mean.
No lecture, just a simple rule. Stop means stop. No means no.
What I love about this moment is how early we can begin teaching children about consent, and how simple these conversations can be when we start young.
As children grow, we build on those early lessons. We talk about the difference between genuine, enthusiastic consent and a reluctant “yes” given because of pressure, fear, or concern about the consequences of saying no.
Consent isn’t simply the absence of a no. It’s a freely given yes.
I believe that if we consistently taught boys these lessons from an early age, we could help change the culture that allows violence against women and others to persist.
But teaching consent is only part of what I believe we owe our boys.
As a martial arts instructor and a father, I also teach children to understand and protect their own boundaries while respecting those of others.
When boys develop the confidence and skills to stand up for themselves, they’re better equipped to stand up for someone else when it matters.
Especially when confronted by someone who refuses to respect another person’s boundaries. Someone who ignores the words “stop” and “no.”
I want to raise boys who don’t become passive bystanders when someone is being threatened or victimized. Boys who have the judgment to recognize injustice, the courage to intervene, and the skills to do so safely and effectively.
We need to teach boys to respect the word “no.” But we also need to raise boys who have the courage and ability to stand up to those who refuse to listen.
Learning about boundaries and consent.
